Dear Rick the Sock

Dude.

I've got a bone to pick with you.

When I picked up Cookie A's "Sock Inspiration", I just knew that the "Broken Dreams" colorway from Zen Yarn Garden would be perfect for you.

Not only were the colors similar to those in the book... but the pattern. It was the pattern that drew me in. Lovingly complicated, just the way I like them.

Because I am a complication snob. I'm convinced that I CAN DO ANYTHING!

And yet. Despite the complicated nature of the pattern, you could sense the pattern. That it wouldn't be a difficult one to memorise.

And this was true.

AND YET.

This sock was so DIABOLICAL that by the time I finished ONE SOCK, a whole MONTH HAD PASSED.

I'm gonna go with pregnancy brain. It's the only way to justify it taking me ONE WHOLE MONTH to knit ONE SOCK.

Do you have any idea how many times I frogged? I DON'T EVEN WANT TO GO THERE! It took me ages to figure out where to place the heel (and I have to hand it to the ZEN (HA HA HA HA) Garden Yarn. It didn't fuzz out). To make things worse, it wasn't even the fault of the pattern! The pattern was written perfectly. GRUMBLE GRUMBLE!

IT WAS ME!

It is solely for this that reason prevailed because buddy?.... YOU CAME SO CLOSE TO BEING NAILED TO A TREE WITH ALL 5 OF THOSE DOUBLE POINTED NEEDLES!

But the worst. The absolute worse was was when I finally, VICTORIOUSLY, finished that one sock.

Rick the Sock

I immediately tried you...it... WHATEVER... on.

DISASTER!

My leg looked like a trussed sausage. I'm not even kidding. That wonderful pattern? I felt like my leg had been tied up and was sitting in a dark room.

Awaiting torture.

Involving probe lights, water and electricity.

To wit: My leg felt like a dish of string-bound tripes. Are you familiar with tripes? Is that even a word in English? Let me check....

... WHY YES IT IS!

I unknowingly ordered tripes in a French restaurant a couple of years ago. Let me tell you, you don't make the mistake of ordering edible stomach offal of various farm animals EVER AGAIN.

Also? I LEARNED TO NEVER ASK MY HUSBAND WHAT A THING IS BEFORE ORDERING IT IN A RESTAURANT EVER AGAIN. HIS RESPONSE? TRY IT AND SEE!

Now I'm afraid to knit the other sock. I am undecided. Because not only is the pattern the same, it is mirrored. I fear for my already fragile health.

And you risk certain death.

That said, I tried the sock on again for the posterity of photos and I didn't have the same feeling of being ligoted. I can only imagine that though my pregnancy is further advanced, there had been swelling that I hadn't noticed when I tried you on the first time because I was still working.

Rick the Sock

For your sake, you better hope that that's the case. That this pregnancy is the cause.

Otherwise, your days are numbered, Sock Boy.

That's a promise.

4 comment(s):

Andrea (@shutterbitch) said...
February 10, 2010 at 6:50 AM

Is this your first pair of socks? I can remember my second pair of socks, the first ones that were more than a simple stockinette stitch, and I started those bad boys EIGHT times. But I eventually won out over them and gifted them to my mother for Mother's Day (she got them in August when I was done, how's that for bad timing?) and loves them.

The next pair I did that had a complicated pattern, and a chart even, went far better. It takes practice.

JChevais said...
February 10, 2010 at 9:28 AM

Actually, it's my 4th or 5th pair. Not sure really.

My biggest enemy is obviously my pride. Though I did have misgivings while knitting that my leg might be 'too shapely' for this pattern (which is why I shortened the leg).

Sigh.

JChevais said...
February 10, 2010 at 12:49 PM

That said, this was the first time I've worked a diagonal pattern. So that was interesting.

Positively!

Lisa said...
February 19, 2010 at 7:25 AM

That there is one lovely sock. And I like to eat chicken livers and gizzards and hearts, etc., so... tripe?... hm. Nah. I've heard there are vaginas and rectums and lips and eyelids in tripe. Nothin' doin'.

Anyway, if it were me I'd finish the other one off and if they didn't fit after the pregnancy, have a contest and give them away on your lovely, crafty new blog to one of your adoring fans. :D

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